


Woe to the Editor

by Raven2547



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Kink Meme, Newt is inappropriate, Newt is terrible at editing, No pairings - Freeform, POV of Original Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-06 02:38:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8731537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven2547/pseuds/Raven2547
Summary: oneshot fill for this:  Things Newt Edits Out While Drafting his Book





	

'Hippogriffs are quite cuddly' was a sentence Starla Rosier never wanted to read again. The specific phrase 'quite cuddly' should be, in her honest editorial opinion, stricken from the English language. Newt Scamander's manuscript was rife with certain gems of that nature, and it was her job to root them all out. This was not simple. For being such a ... charming individual from a well bred family, the boy was insane and a bit scatter brained. On one page he would have information on three types of animals and then mention one of them four pages later--not to mention the random drawings thrown in on the margins of the parchment. On six of the 300 page monster of a book were giant ink blots that, no matter how many times she spelled them, could not be removed. 

"The flobberworm is an herbivorous creature rated X in ministry standards, making it one of the least dangerous to encounter in it's natural habitat. It's mucus, though not very tasty, is nutrient heavy. They are found in abundance in rural Romania." There, she could write a nice, boring sentence about the damn flobberworms! Why did he have to put "Flobberworms especially love lettuce and cabbage, and they are really quite boring as they are very similar to their muggle counterpart--worms. Another similar worm like creature that lives in a similar area is Theseus Scamander, who is perhaps more closely related to the flobberworm than previously thought."

She made it through four more pages of little corrections before she encountered something especially dreadful. Her own typewriter ping'd as she reached the end of the line and she instinctively reached up to push it back into place. The secretary huffed an infuriated breath and reached into her top drawer, pulling out the long strip of parchment with the especially inappropriate remarks she'd found so far written on it. She scribbled down the most recent one and then flipped through a few more pages of manuscript.

"Unicorn blood this, unicorn blood that," she muttered, "bloody unicorns in their bloody environment, bloody 'half life'. Bugger."

She stopped short suddenly and stood up, her face darkening in rage.

"Mr. Scamander!" Starla marched down the short hallway between their offices. The little freckled menace shared her little corridor and she hated it. Ever since he'd returned from the damn colonies a few months ago there'd been an endless stream of papers coming to her office of editing. Sure, it was her job as secretary to the young Department head to read his manuscript and fix it up to be a proper book, but this was the last straw. 

In her rush she vanished the entire door instead of just opening it. Oh well. The redhead looked up at her from his desk, where he rarely was found. For once he was doing what looked to be paperwork, but she could see a large drawing of a Norwegian Ridgeback being hastily shoved under a folder. 

"Ms. Rosier, may I help you?" He said with that annoyingly soothing and smooth voice. She cursed him to hell for being such a charming, pureblooded suitor. If he was the least bit interested in her then perhaps she would find him more appealing, but she knew his inclinations lay elsewhere. 

"Mr. Scamander, I must tell you something. Your remarks in this book are out of line!" She said, waving the nearly two foot long parchment in the air wildly. Her dark, springy hair was standing almost on end, the curls untwisting themselves so she looked like the late Medusa. 

"I beg your pardon?" He stared at her wide-eyed, running a hand through his hair.

"'I prefer the adult fire crabs to babies because they are much prettier'" She intoned violently, holding the paper in front of her.

"Well that's just common sense," Newt began, but he was waved off.

"'Manticores, though I am assigning them a designation of XXXXX, are extremely lovable. Their tails, though pointy and extremely dangerous, are good for back scratches.'"

"That is a good tidbit, I'll have you know that an Indian wizard showed me t--"

"Unicorn hairs are useful for wand cores, but," she pause for breath, and was offended on behalf of her own wand, "as some people may already be aware, they often go to vainglorious and prideful wizards with nearly no regard for others, sympathizing with the unicorn's solo lifestyle as none are quite near their status," she seethed, tapping her foot furiously on the tiled floor. Newt leaned back in his chair confused.

"I followed that with an entire chapter on how gentle, kind, and preferential to maidens the unicorn is. Surely you know all creatures have good and bad sides?" He crossed his arms over his chest, unprepared for the furious witch to toss a crumpled sheet of parchment in his face.

"Just because you have a poly-core wand with a unique coating you think you're so special!" she yelled, marching back down the hall, "I'm taking an early lunch! And I'm not bringing you /anything!/"

"Well that's a bit harsh!" Newt called after her, sticking his head out the door, "Are you going to finish the edit?" 

A young witch walking by with a pile of papers nearby jumped and threw the entire pile into the air as a deafening shriek echoed down the tile and stone halls of the ministry.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Woe to the Editor](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10995069) by [221b_ee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/221b_ee/pseuds/221b_ee)




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